Happy Bunnies

A friend recently told me that she’s with her new man now because of me. Hee.

A few months ago, I had told her to dump her currently-ex-but-emotionally-stalking-her boyfriend because he was clearly not THE ONE. They were fighting all the time and she was frequently in tears. Worse, there was always the potential of violence looming over her, what with his temper and his drinking. For months I had been silently tcherk-ing her in my mind as I watched her try to break up with him, get manipulated into staying on and convince herself that his persistence meant that he was of good boyfriend material. Her "forever ever bofwen", she called him.

Bleh.

I had finally had enough of being supportive – offering an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and a stomach to have dinner with. One day, I just told her that it was so clear that he wasn’t THE ONE, merely the one who’s currently available. Who also happens to be a huge dumbass bitch.

I then took her to task for not knowing what she really wanted, thereby getting herself stuck in these destructive relationships. She knew in her heart that he wasn’t the one for her, yet she couldn’t muster the courage to move on for fear of being alone. I don’t think she’s ever not had a boyfriend.

The fear of being alone. Staying on with someone who doesn’t laugh with you, who isn’t on the same page, who doesn’t make your heart jump like a mad bunny … largely because the thought of being alone in the long run is just too scary to contemplate. How many of us have been there and done that? It’s so much easier to go with the flow. At the very least there’s that warm body next to you at night and someone to spend the weekend with.

But how long can you keep fooling yourself? What do you tell your heart?

Ask yourself why you love the person you’re with. Is your answer based on how he/she treats you?

"I love him because he’s so nice to me"
"… because she always cooks me my favourite dishes"
"… because she’s always going out of her way for me"

That’s just not enough. Naturally, when people get into relationships, they behave a certain way towards each other. It’s not too hard to go out of your way for someone you’re courting or trying to impress. What happens when there’s no longer a need to impress/court? What’s more important is how that person behaves towards you AFTER you’ve been together for at least a year, i.e. after you’re back on the ground from the whirlwind of romance. And really, the best gauge of a person’s inherent character is how he/she behaves with people other than you.

Anyway, my friend finally found the courage to break off with her "forever ever bofwen" who is now demanding for the return of the engagement ring (of which she had to fork out RM3k of her own) as well as RM10k for all the trips and gifts. And he’s keeping all the furniture she had bought for her apartment but was "temporarily" put at his then unfurnished house at his request since she was there so often. And she’s expected to continue paying for the washing machine that she’s had to leave behind at his place. What a bitch. I mean him, of course.

Good riddance though, eh? At least she’s now found a man who "makes my heart jump and skip everyday".

So, how do you know that you truly love someone? Well I think, if two years later, you still find yourself breaking into a silly open-mouthed grin in public whenever you see that person and your heart feels like it’s kembang-ing into a giant smile, that’s a pretty good indication.

I've always liked watching elderly couples dance. Particularly the waltz. A gentle, dignified and graceful partnership between two people who are comfortably in step with the other’s rhythm. Moving through life as partners; one leading the other, but both supporting each other. That they are even dancing, symbolises the enjoyment of life together. That it is the waltz, represents the quiet dignity and grace of two people who respect each other. And that they are old, signifies growth and acceptance of each other as partners.

For me, the whole image epitomises the enduring nature of a true love.

And so, I’m hoping that the bunny hop that we’re doing right now will not only continue, but gradually evolve into that one beautiful, graceful waltz under the light of the moon.

Shall we dance, sweetie?