Time To Let Go

I forgot to observe whether or not last Friday was a gloomy or rainy day. Years ago someone told me that it always rains on Good Friday. How can?? Strangely though, every time I remember to note, it really does rain or at least the sky goes all dark and cloudy.

I’m not Christian, nor remotely religious for that matter (unless I’m on a plane or in a lift), so apart from the weather, the spiritual significance of Good Friday and Easter Sunday never registers much for me. Unless dreaming of divine chocolate Easter eggs counts! This time though, the theme of life and death has preoccupied me since the Easter weekend.

Poor Pope John Paul II. He’s so old, frail and ill. Yet, he’s got this duty to serve and crowds to bless. Poor guy. At least he doesn’t have to wear that huge pope hat anymore. That extra weight on him surely doesn’t help. The poor man has Parkinson’s disease, has been having breathing problems, difficulty in swallowing and is now unable to speak. Latest development, he has to have a tube inserted down his nose direct to get liquids directly into his stomach.

Such agony and frustration. Surely his God would understand if the pontiff calls it a day?

The Associated Press reports American Cardinal Theodore E. McCarrick as saying that the Pope must see his own ailments "as joining the sufferings of the Lord in a very special way".

Here, I shall resist the urge to be catty and just be content to merely state that I cannot understand this religious obsession with suffering as a mark of godliness. Quite a cop-out isn’t it, to sadly shake one’s head in the face of another person’s suffering and pray for him, instead of confronting the realities of why is he in such a predicament, how and what can you do to help him or to ease his suffering? Far easier to say "mysterious ways" than to face the fact that sometimes, there really is no answer to the question of "why do innocents suffer?".

Ooops. Meow, I think.

The Pope should just lie down and rest. And just be plain ol' Karol Wojtyla. I’m sure his God won’t mind blessing the crowds Himself anyway.

Moving on...

Who hasn’t heard about Terri Schiavo? A detailed and neutral write-up of the facts can be found here.

Mrs. Schiavo had been diagnosed by 6 court-appointed doctors as being in a persistent vegetative state and severely brain damaged for 15 years. Throughout that period, Michael Schiavo, who, as her husband, is her legal guardian, has been locked in legal battle with her parents, the Schindlers, who maintain that their daughter can still recover and wants to live. Mr. Schiavo says that before she became brain damaged, Terri told him that she would not want to be kept alive by artificial means. And so, he’s been fighting in court for her right to die. 13 days ago, her feeding tube was removed by court order. She’s now dying of dehydration and her heart is expected to give out any day now.

The courts have consistently ruled to remove the feeding tube on the grounds that Mrs. Schiavo has privacy rights to self-determination, i.e. rights over her body, mind, etc. The main problem with the case is that Terri Schiavo did not leave a living will, or advance directive, stating her wishes about what she would want in such a situation. The parents and the husband now can’t even see eye to eye on how to bury her (he wants her cremated whilst they want to bury her as a Roman Catholic). Mrs. Schiavo has been unable to articulate anything for herself for over 15 years, so the courts have been making their rulings based on what Mr. Schiavo says are her wishes.

I've always held that everyone is entitled to make their own decisions on beginning-of-life and end-of-life issues like abortion and euthanasia. An individual’s right to self-determination must be respected. If Mrs. Schiavo herself had said that she would like the feeding tube to be removed and be allowed to die (voluntary passive euthanasia), I would respect that. If she had requested her doctor to give her enough sleeping pills to kill her (physician-assisted suicide), I would support that. But that is not the case here. Mrs. Schiavo is not competent to say what she wants. We’re but a nudge from crossing that line between voluntary and involuntary euthanasia.

But given the circumstances, would it really be so bad for Mrs. Schiavo to pass on? Countless doctors have agreed that there is no hope for her to recover conscious awareness. The part of her brain that controls conscious thought and action has died, liquified. All that is left is reflex and automatic action. She has spent 15 years in this condition, depending on a feeding tube attached directly to her stomach. For as long as she lives, the legal battles between her husband and her parents will continue and she will most likely be subjected to more removal and reinsertion of the feeding tube. Imagine the indignity suffered by her body, of being dehydrated and rehydrated according to court rulings. She is alive, what at what cost to her quality of life?

Up till the 13th day of her dying process, Mrs. Schiavo’s parents still continued to appeal to the highest courts. I guess their desperation blinds them to the indignity and suffering that this see-saw removal and reinsertion of the tube at this time will bring to their daughter. After all, they had previously stated that they would keep her alive at any cost, even if it meant amputating all her limbs if she contracted gangrene or diabetes whilst in her persistent vegetative state. Whilst this morbid position and their actions in turning what should be a very private process into a media circus seems a little bit too distasteful, I do feel for them. Which parent would willingly let their child die? By dehydration no less (this is technically what happens, but interested groups and the Schindlers themselves prefer to use the emotionally charged "starvation").

I myself had a few problems with this dehydration thing. There are conflicting accounts of what happens to the body when it’s deprived of hydration and nutrition. For a while, I actually believed that she would be dying in pain. See, that’s the problem when we let emotions get in the way of thinking rationally. She’s in a hospice. It’s their business to provide pain relief and physical comfort in the twilight hours of death. There is no way that the staff there would allow her to die in pain.

It’s probably a matter of hours before the curtain falls on the tragic life of Terri Schiavo. Her husband will finally be able to marry his live-in girlfriend, secure in the knowledge that he’s finally fulfilled his wife’s wishes. By all neutral accounts, he had been nothing but dedicated towards Mrs. Schiavo’s care throughout this drama, even taking up nursing as a profession. He is entitled to move on. And what next for her poor parents? Their lives must have revolved around her for the past 15 years. It’s time to let go, but it’s unlikely that they’re ready to do so.

Most people will never be ready to deal with death. But the biggest legacy that Terri Schiavo leaves is for us to learn from her life. We all really need to sit down and take a long hard think about it our own death or incapacitation. Particularly if you’ve got dependents. What would you want if you were in Terri’s shoes? Who would you want to make the related decisions on your behalf? How would you want to be buried?

Apart from an advance medical directive (living will), making a will is absolutely necessary. Establishing a trust fund for your children’s welfare and education is also not a bad idea either, to avoid a freeze in monies during the period between death and your executor obtaining probate from the courts.

Letting go. Never an easy thing to do. The least we could do is to prepare ourselves along the way.

Here’s hoping for peace for Terri Schiavo, Michael Schiavo and the Schindlers. And some rest for the Pope.

Postscript: Terri Schiavo passed away on 31st March 2005.

Postscript: Pope John Paul II passed away at 9.37 p.m. (Rome time), 2nd April 2005.