Dear Duchess of Cornwall,

Bravo! What a brilliant dress! Dresses, in fact… or is the second one considered a frock? Whatever, they were both lovely. Aren’t coats just the best for hiding Ah-Soh Arms (I don’t translate colloquial words, but hey, I’ll make an exception for you – it means matronly arms. Arm saddlebags. Oh dear, there’s that horsey anology again)?.

I’m most pleased that you took my advice and stayed away from shoulder and neck baring. Couldn’t quite see the dress underneath the long coat, but the coat certainly looked sophisticated, paired with the simple clutch and slightly boring shoes. I don’t get it though, the official description of the colour is oyster. Er..hello? Oysters are mottled. Greyish at best. So NOT the colour of your outfit. Bleh. Anyway…that was quite a nice hat too. Rather stylish…but good god, what happened to your daughter?? Did she forget to bring a hat and just grabbed some twigs and leaves from behind the bush to pin in her hair instead?

Speaking of organic hats…what was that on your head for the church ceremony? It looked like an artistically leaning tuft of hay. Were you worried that Charles would be hungry (oh stop me - the horsey theme just won’t go away!) during the ceremony? The rest of the outfit though, was simply inspired. By Julie Andrew’s elegant, queenly garb from the Princess Diaries, it almost seemed. An appropriate choice then! The long coat was just perfect to disguise your striding gait, in fact your big steps made the material billow ever so fetchingly as you exited the chapel.
Again, I just don’t get the official colour description…was it actually blue?? I thought it was greenish with yellow embroidery.

Overall, you looked simply lovely. Phew. But nervous too. Was it because halfway down the aisle you realised that you’d grabbed the wrong bunch of flowers? The bouquet did look a teensy bit teeny. Or were you mentally bewailing (this is such an excellent word!) the fact that you forgot to curtsey to the Queen? Strike one for the impress-your-mother-in-law- campaign.

Anyway, it’s over. Almost without a hitch, too. Except for Curtseygate. Oh well, you’ve been through worse. You’re now in Scotland for the honeymoon. Hope you remember to bring that hat/headdress to release it back into the wild to join its lallang (dry reedy weed) family.

Congratulations!

Btw, you invited Buffy to the wedding? Guess William and Harry needed a kick-ass bodyguard for when they got off the bus at the civil ceremony. Good choice!