Mother Knows Best

See, see, my mother says that there's always plane crashes during Chinese 7th month. And that they occur in 3s. There's been SIX this month. Extra powerful this year.

Mum also says that showering after dinner gives you a big belly. I'd post a picture of mine, but then my blog wouldn't be pretty anymore. So trust me here.

--UPDATE--

Since I'm on the subject of mothers and wisdom, a little piglet just bowled me over with her clarity of thought. She figures that one of the major causes of post-partum depression in chinese mothers is the confinement process.

Wah. Ya hor.

What's a girl to do? You've recently had to endure the scrutiny of strangers paying what would ordinarily be WAY too much attention to your bits down there as if it were a plasma-screen tv showing a watermelon being dragged out of a lemon-sized hole. You've discovered that instead of the soulsister who's shared meaningful times with you since your pinafore days, your best friend is in fact, a handy little thing called epidural. You've also discovered that all that weight you packed in during the past 9 months is of absolutely no use in helping you push and doesn't equal the combined weight of the baby, placenta and whatever-else-bits-that-come-out.

To top that off, got to go home and kena CONFINED. With a smug, I've-SO-been-here-I-am-supermom-hear-me-roar mother. Or worse, mother-in-law. No aircon, no real food, no hair-washing, no sex. And despite everybody's claims of ownership through likeness, your baby actually looks like a semi-dried prune or a little old lady.

Then there's breastfeeding. Your baby gives you the finger everytime you present your breast and secretly grows a full set of adult teeth whilst suckling/chewing. Your mother (whether in law or in charge) accuses your boob juice (trademarked expression by Mother of Oooops Baby) of being too diluted lah, too little lah, etc.

And your hair is smelly. EVERY. DAY. Which is an even bigger deal if your spouse is a smell-monster.

Hello depression my old friend.