My IELTS Result

So, I got my IELTS results back last weekend. Two week turnover. Not bad at all.

Because I am generous with tips, I shall first share my experience, in case anyone has nothing better to spend RM495 on and therefore decide to take the test.

Tip No. 1: don’t kena bluff like me and go there before 8am.

There I was, all sleepy-eyed and bushy-haired at 7.45am.

Yawn. Wait wait wait.

Yawn some more.

8 am: Everybody line up; boys this line, girls that line. Last call to weewee. So kindergarten.

We’re told to empty everything from our pockets into envelopes on which we are to write our names and deposit, sealed, into a locked cabinet. The only permissible item is IC/passport.

8.20 am: Still writing names because there are only 2 pens and at least 60 candidates.

8.30 am: Two candidates at a time are allowed to enter the examination room. Everyone has to be electronically frisked with those nifty airport scanner paddle things. Boy, those things sure are sensitive. The lump in the front of my jeans was eyed suspiciously. A chunk of snotty tissue only lah… you think what?

8.45 am: Waiting for someone who had to run home cos he forgot to bring his passport. Not a happy start if you can’t understand the 2 written reminders we get about not being allowed in if you don’t bring your passport/IC.

Some people appear to be having trouble understanding how to find their seats, from the verbal instructions being told to them. Not good. For them lah.

My goodness, is that a security guard taking this exam??

8.55am: Tip No. 2 - See, obviously one can still saunter in at this time and still be allowed to sit the test. Cis!

Head Invigilator starts reading out the instructions.


"Blah blah blah…please check you were candidate number..blah blah.."

Huh?

"Do not open you were booklets ang till I say you may…"

??!! What was that?? Gosh, am I that sleepy??

"You were time began now. You have ongly 30 minutes for this section."

...??

- drrr-ringgg -


You were = your.

Oh my.


Dear British Council. I think you were recruitment standards for IELTS invigilators need to be reviewed. Helpfully, Spot.


The first portion of the test is Listening. Fortunately, the questions are pre-recorded on CD, not read out by the invigilators. Imagine the disaster there.

Tip No. 3. WAKE UP!!! Despite the clarity of the CD Voice, I found myself losing concentration because…so sleepy!!

I think the Listening bit is engineered to make things very difficult for those who try to guess their way through.

CD Voice says “I love to eat chicken, but really, I can never resist when it comes to bacon”. Then the multiple choice question would be something like “What does Ah Chong like to eat best?”.

So sneaky hor?


The next portion is Reading. Objective being to answer questions on three passages. Three very long and boring passages. Topics: History of Timekeeping, Bullying in UK schools and Salinity Problems in Australian Agriculture.

Lovely. My attention span was zzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Lots of questions requiring you to pinpoint the paragraphs that contain the relevant info as required. Eg. One para said something like "Something-graphy, somethingelse-graphy and canggih-graphy are used in combination to deal with the problem".

So you’d get questions like - "Which paragraph describes the integrated use of technologies".

Wah - "integrated". I honestly don’t think that’s considered an easy question by many of the candidates, a lot of whom appeared to be from China.


Next, Writing. My handwriting was so CRAP!!! There were two questions. The first is the easier. I got a candlestick chart and was asked to write at least 150 words about the statistics. Zzzzzzzzzz. So hard. Didn't know what to say - this year how many, that year how many, wah that tall tall one got even more than this two small small ones. Sucked.

Second question is worth more marks, therefore harder. Gotta write at least 250 words. The one I got was to compare and contrast the arguments for teachers being responsible for making sure students become Mother Theresa. Something like that. Obviously I ranted about kids being brats these days. Tip No. 4 – avoid ranting because it tends to bring you off-topic!!!


Finally, the Speaking bit. So dumb. The questions were obviously more suitable for students, i.e. young people. I.e. not me.

"What do young people do for recreation?”
Beats me, I’d guess hump like rabbits but that’s probably not right.

“Tell me about one person in your family that you admire".
I admire none of them, so I had to bullshit.

“How often do you eat out?”
Not often at all, I’m cheap. Not as in easy, mind you.

“Well, if you do eat out, where do you eat at?”
You know TB Corner meh?

Couldn’t quite say that right?

Bleh.


Anyways.

The Listening, Reading and Writing bits take 3 hours. Speaking is about 10 minutes, not including waiting for your turn.

My score: 9 for Listening and for Reading and 8 for Writing and also Speaking.

Overall, 8.5. Yays.