What do the following have in common?
1) Salespeople
2) Benign (obviously excluding the militant kind) religious zealots
3) Corporate/Self-development Trainers
4) Multi-level marketing Promoters
They've got "Good News" to "share" with you.
Fall on your knees and receive news that will change your life on an earth-shaking level never known since the last divine cheerleading team shook their celestial pom poms to a chorus of allelujahs (boring actual earthquakes don’t count)!
News that will fill you to the cockles that you never knew existed in your heart with the desire to shout out your kumbayayas through all means possible, whether it be by saucer-eyed, breathless, crazy-grip-my-hands-as-tight-as-the-way-you-should-have-held-on-to-your-sanity face-to-face sharing or by lunch-hour long phone sermons to the hungry as they try to maintain a reasonable amount of rapturous listening whilst attempting to eat their rapidly congealing lunch. News so good that it's worth working out the meaning of 6-line-long sentences.
Oh joy! Oh wonder! Oh fats that will melt away in fear at the sheer power of goodness bubbling forth from a meal-replacement shake!
Wanna know another similarity?
Their product (I mean, let's call a spade a spade here - Product Pusher) is the Truth, the One, the only Kumbayaya-worthy.
And therein lies the quintessential problem that besets human endeavour. The legitimacy of the Truth/Good News is too often undermined by vested interests - The My Gang / Milkshake Is Better Than Yours mentality.
Thanks, but until you can take the element of self(yours)-interest and multiple hyphens out of the equation, you can keep your milk-shake - oh sorry, i mean meal-replacement, truly delicious, honest-to-goodness shake.
Oh…unless my mother has been converted over to your dark side and she in turn decrees that I am to "give it a try". Or should I say…share.
Clearly, blood is way thicker than your damn shake.
And so…umm…...kumbaya?
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6 comments:
uurgh. good thing your mum doesn't know my dad, or i too would be kumbaya'ed to.
but given that i haven't had to sit through the preaching, i wouldn't mind 'sharing' your milkshake, if it means my 4 extra kilos will just melt away... or does it only work AFTER you've had your life sucked out of you from all that lunchtime lovin and sharin?
I tried the oh-so-super-duper-fat-melting-milkshake diet years ago. Not only that the damn shakes taste like crap after taking the SAME thing 3 days in a row but the pounds just pile back on the moment you go back on your normal nasi lemak-and-tiramisu diet.
God. And believe me I sympathize. I was once stuck on a date with one of the zealots and had to sit through a twenty minute insurance spiel while enduring his wandering hands.
Thankfully my entire family reviles these four categories of people en masse. I have been ensnared once or twice, though, and it's funny to see how these people utterly believe in their product. The light of earnestness shines in their eyes, as if you're the chosen to hear the Truth, and why Lampe Berger will help you earn millions, as well as make you a Duke.
And I thought 'benign zealots' was an oxymoron. The ones that come knocking on my door I can handle, especially since they get a little bit confused about whether or not they'll be tried, hung and skinned alive for trying to convert someone who might turn out to be a Muslim.
Multi-level marketing people who are also your clients, so you can't tell them to go away... now THAT's tough :(
snowie - Rather, good thing the Kumbaya lady doesnt know your dad. My mum just cut the "sharing" short by saying...how much do I need to pay?
boobs - this one is by Herbalife.
Take note of the name people, and be warned!
paul - Dun bluff! Woulda thunk that the "wandering hands" were consolation for having to endure the sales pitch. :)
will - blind faith, that's what it is. Isnt it a coincidence, that the people most likely to whole-bodiedly embrace MLM are those who already practice a caring & sharing type of religion?
weeshiong - Got friendly zealots what. Those whose I-don't-know-anything-personal-about-you-but-i-love-you-anyway enthusiasm stem from a desire to convert instead of kill the infidels. A divine pyramid scheme.
And yes, you're right. Clients who are MLM recruiters. *there there*
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