Scary Things

Things that terrify me:

Flying
Lifts
Momoks
My mother (ok, she's not a thing)
Small birds
Dentists (they're not things either)

I’ve hated flying ever since I fell from the last 12-15 feet of a cliff during an abseil down into a rock quarry. An exciting morphine cushioned ride to the A&E ward followed but nothing was broken. Guess I must have had a rather fat butt. Every flight to and from Australia for the next 3 years became an 8-hour nightmare of born-again religious and filial piety as every deity, god and ancestral personage was called upon to ensure that the laws of science weren’t just teasing me.

Consequently, I am also terrified of lifts falling down their shafts. Every time a lift bumps and jerks, I get nervous. Every time I step out of a lift, I get this fear that the lift will plummet just as only one leg is out the door and my body gets cut in half. Yes, I am morbid. Dunno why.

I am scared of ghosts. Scary legless, pale, long-haired momoks. Scary big-eyed, quietly whispering kid momoks that stare scarily. Eeeeeeeeeekkk!!!! I learnt the Hail Mary just for this. And always wondered if it would work against non-English speaking momoks.

My mother. Hehehe. How can you both love and be terrified of someone at the same time? Can. Provided that you understand that there is a difference between character flaws (impatience and horrendous anger management) and Evil. Also that Evil shows no remorse nor love. And Evil really would just chuck you and your little bag of barang and bantal busuk (actually, I think Evil would confiscate the bantal busuk at the last minute) at the side of some ulu road as punishment, instead of just threatening to. And Evil wouldn’t bother to pack you healthy crust-cut-off sandwiches and fruit for recess-time (that you ungratefully trade for your friend’s sardine sandwiches and prawn crackers). So therefore, my mother is not Evil, just scary when she's pissed off.

Little birds’ beaks freak me out. I have an insane fear of itty bitty beaks being stuck down my ear canal and the fluttering of tiny wings around my head. I once dreamt I walked into a room full of birds covering the entire floor and I walked through the room making multi-bird puree under my feet. Another time, a sparrow flew into my living room and performed kamikaze aerial manoeuvres for my screaming pleasure. I screeched (literally) into my bedroom, leaving the TV switched on outside. Unfortunately my parents’ championing of electricity-savings was too ingrained to ignore and I ended up crawling out of my room, a blanket securely stretched over and sandwiching me to the floor like a giant manta ray, just to switch the damned thing off.

It’s been probably more than 10 years since a dentist last looked into my mouth. Sometime during that time my molar filling fell out and there is now a big gaping hole in my tooth. I floss and brush my teeth religiously. And pretend that Listerine mixed with tea-tree oil can cure the occasional swollen bleeding gums.