TV/Tabloid Rage

Today, I am particularly pissed off.

So…

I HATE YOU WENDY PEPPER!

Get thee behind my tv, you evil, mean, petty, sneaky, wannabe, green slimespawn evil monster bitch!

Austin, oh Austin!!!!! It’s a tragedy!! You were robbed! Your pretty things are too good for them.

Who dresses in head-to-toe orange? Frickin Nancy o-Dell, that’s who. She’s Fanta Orange coloured, after all. Birds of an orange feather…

Fine, if you absolutelymust wear orange, what about Kara Saun’s fabulous top??? I wasn’t crazy about the pants, but oh, the top! The texture, the earthy shades! Sexy!

Gaaah!

And still… riveted.

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Oh Desiree! You looked so tired at the end. Who wouldn’t be, after four days of country-hopping while having to make sure your hyperactive, whacky and prone-to-freaking-out mother didn’t freak out?

Thanks a lot, So-not-a-fish called Wanda. The Race has practically only just begun, and you’ve deprived us of watching your really hot daughter for the next few weeks. And to top it off, you remind me of Teri Hatcher’s character on Desperate Housewives. An older, more haggard and a lot less hey-look-at-goofy-me-aren’t-I-adorable version.

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Speaking of Ms. Hatcher.

Recently, Teri Hatcher revealed that she was molested by her uncle when she was five years old. In 2002, she discovered that a 15 year old girl who had also been abused by Teri’s uncle had committed suicide. Teri went to the police and her testimony got her uncle convicted.

It’s a horrible thing to go through and I really do feel bad for her.

BUT.

Her revelation of this incident was made to Vanity Fair.

Vanity Fair ran the story in their March issue, headlined “Teri Hatcher’s Desperate Secret” on the cover.

Naturally, she’s on the cover.

Freakily, she’s wearing only her pure white panties and clutching a white wrappy thing around her, with one bare shoulder exposed, hair a-tousled and with her mouth half-open, in that way. You know which way.

I’ll be honest. I can’t stand how pathetically attention-seeking Ms. Hatcher has been since Desperate Housewives became the phenomenal juggernaut that it now is. Oh, did I inadvertently say has-been? How serendipitous.

Did anyone notice how she squeezed her way to the front and was the only cast member to gush into the mike when the show won Best Comedy at the Golden Globes? Notice how she was the one clinging on to the award later?

Someone’s certainly thrown out her has-been supplements.

But.

That doesn’t mean I don’t feel really badly for what she went through as a child. Nobody should have to go through that.

What’s pissing me off, is the fact that Vanity Fair used that shot of her on its cover, given the subject matter that she deals with inside the issue.

What’s pissing me off is the fact that Teri allowed Vanity Fair to run the cover.

I have no problems with the cover per se. I am far from prudish.

It’s the inappropriate pairing of the cover and the subject matter that sickens me.

As enlightened and civilised as we’d like to imagine the world to be after 5000 years, I’m willing to bet my life that that goddamn cover is going to elicit snickers, jokes and downright lewd and sick statements that contain the words “uncle”, “panties” and “me” in less than clinical combinations.

Child molestation. Child sex abuse. Incest.

These are fucking serious issues.

Morons. I hope you fucking choke on your smirks and moronic comments.